How do I know if I have an anxiety disorder?

Well, because at least 4 doctors and 3 psychologists have told me so but that is by the by.

We live in a strange world where anxiety disorders are both over-diagnosed as well as under-diagnosed. A doctor who cannot be arsed to explain a patient’s symptoms easily throws anxiety or depression on the wall to see what sticks. Usually anxiety wins, as it means the doctor doesn’t really have to do anything except ask you to relax, to which there is only one acceptable response: “WTF”!

Or, there is that doctor who does not believe in mental health issues causing physical symptoms and goes on to show how he or she thinks Dr. Gregory House would have handled you. Again, the only acceptable response here would be “WTF”! Coming to think of it House has accepted anxiety disorders so strike that one off.

Where does that leave you and me? With a lot of WTF and nowhere to go!

It is true that the A word is being used too generously these days, albeit with good intentions, from mental health campaigns to various celebrities coming out saying they have some form of anxiety disorder. This overuse does cause issues when it comes to identifying yourself as someone with an anxiety disorder, for fear of being judged.

Anxiety is not the same as stress or depression. Stress may cause anxiety and anxiety may lead to depression. For a more detailed discussion, please refer to the post Being Anxious vs. Anxiety Disorder.

So How do you know if you have an anxiety disorder?

There are many types of anxiety disorders (with the most popular one being Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD) but they do have a few things in common.

1. Over-worrying over a long duration

As you can see from the earlier post, if you are worried or anxious about a particular event (from the past – such as the loss of a loved one, or the future – like a job interview), that should be alright. It is only when you are worried when everything is calm that you should start paying attention. My husband has had the privilege of hearing me say “Everything is going well. I don’t like it. Something is going to get shitty soon” so many times!

About the Past: Replay and Repeat

This is when you are replaying negative events from your past and repeating it over and over again.

For instance, when I was in 4^th standard, a Pomeranian dog chased me so badly that I tripped and fell. I don’t recall if it bit me but I remember getting a shot as prevention. Ever since that incident, every time I see a dog, it replays and repeats in my head until the dog passes me. This dog is going to chase me the same way, I start to think. I have palpitations and my breathing gets to my throat. It doesn’t happen that badly these days thanks to some good therapy.

About the Future: Negative Thoughts on Loop

This is when you project some negative chain reaction to whatever is happening in your life and it leads you to the shittiest possible outcome, and you play it on loop.

For instance, when the cardiologist who was supposed to call me with my CT scan results did not call me, I starting thinking that he didn’t call me because it is very bad news and he is going to ask me to come with my husband to discuss options; I’m going to have a heart condition and have surgery. I’m going to become paralysed or dead – who is going to take care of my family? In reality, he didn’t call because he had to organize a referral to a pulmonologist as he had cleared my heart.

2. Restlessness, Agitation and Alert Mode ON

When you have feelings of anxiety with no clear stressor, your body does not know what exactly it is reacting to but the brain is still telling it that it must be ready. So your sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive – your heart palpitates, your flight or fight mode is on and you are on constant alert. However, since there is no clear danger that needs to be fought off, you agitate and get restless, as though you are in a waiting room to enter a bull fight forever.

For instance, you make copious plans before going on a vacation. You get all the insurances, install alarms, check that the stove is off. Yet you constantly fidget in the car seat with a palpitating heart and make your husband drive back home after a while to check that the doors have been locked properly, that the stove has been switched off. You google about flight accidents before boarding a flight and at the slightest of turbulence you start thinking that “this is it – we are all going down”. The number of times I’ve had to rely on the kindness of absolute strangers to hold my hands and help me breathe through a turbulence is embarrassing (although it shouldn’t be).

3. Physical Symptoms

This is when most people actually realise that something is off. That is most people who pay attention to their bodies and minds. I would not be among those people.

Most common symptoms would be palpitations or pounding of heart, dry mouth, difficulty breathing, trembling, excessive sweating, nausea, diarrhea or constipation (or if you are lucky, both), fatigue, difficulty sleeping (I will write a whole big ass post on this, as I’m the Insomnia Queen) and difficulty in concentration. You will not have all these at the same time but they will play ring-around-the-rosies and decide who will fall down on you when.

This, again, is due to your body’s reaction to the fight or flight response. You may lie to others and to yourself but your body will never lie. For months, I kept telling my doctor that I was taking my medication, doing everything she asked me to but I kept having anxiety attacks and hypertensive episodes. It was only when I started listening to my body, eating well, exercising and undergoing regular therapy sessions that my body started calming down. My body reflected all these – I lost weight, my blood pressure came so low that we had to discontinue some medication and I started sleeping 7 hours a night (on good days – or nights, as I should say).

Still, I have a love-hate relationship with these symptoms and conquering them is going to be a life-long venture.

Your body has a very strong voice. Listen to it. Or else it will make you.

If you notice any of these symptoms, keep track of them for at least one month and talk about them with your doctor. More importantly, keep on eye on whether they affect your daily life and take constructive action.

Remember, you are not alone.

Photo by Tonik on Unsplash