Mother’s day with Chronic Pain

Mother’s day celebration every year brings with it difficult feelings for me as a mother with chronic pain. I thought I’d share that with you, my readers, this mothers’ day.

Being a mother has its moments of glory and unending love. It is also tiresome, even for a healthy mother. It is beyond tiresome for mothers like me who live with chronic pain. On days when you cannot even walk without help to go to the bathroom, how are you supposed to cook nourishing meals for your child(ren), read books to them, take them to school/playground? How can you be a parent when there are days when you don’t have the energy to even cuddle your child(ren)?

There were (sometimes still are) days when I feel like an inadequate mother. The number of times I’ve said “not now honey” are just too embarrassing to admit. The number of firsts I’ve missed because my pain put me in bed are beyond counting. There are days when I yearn to cook my son his favourite meal or help with homework or go out with him to play, but have to choose between doing that or not ending up in the hospital. In the past, I’d do it and then end up in the hospital. Then I stopped doing it and felt utterly guilty about choosing my health over my child.

Now, increasingly,  I choose my health and don’t feel guilty. My son once said “mama, your existence is enough for me, so do everything you need to exist”. It feels like I have taken it to heart.

Of course, there are days when I have to put his needs above my pain, no matter how excruciating it is. For instance, a week ago he had pain from his hypermobility & I was in the middle of a terrible migraine. Still, I did everything he needed to reduce his pain (with my husband’s help) while silently screaming in my head.

Barring these days, I have started to choose my health over everything else. I’m learning to adapt our activities around my disability and not feel guilty for those that cannot. I’m able to separate the love I have for my son or how I prepare him for life from what society has conditioned to believe me a good mother should be like.

I love my son. I am there for him when he needs me. I am helping him to be prepared for life.  As a plus, he knows all this. I checked, just to be sure, this mother’s dayThat is enough.

Happy mother’s day to all my fellow mothers with chronic pain.